I still get chills when I look back on this story. Indeed, it was a very sad experience. However, that was four years ago. I have not been on the bathroom floor in a long time except, of course, to scrub it. But, my bathroom floor experience was the place I had to go before I could realize the wisdom motherhood offered me – IF I was willing to listen: you are Valuable, Powerful and Strong. Yes, even in a most vulnerable and humiliating state, my value, power, and strength were waiting to be revealed. More about that later.
The question in Part 1 was: “Can the woman inside the mother find happiness and fulfillment?” My response is a booming, audacious, lively YES! In fact, it is imperative.
Think for a moment about a mother that you know who is unhappy (miserable) and feeling very much unfulfilled (dissatisfied). What is it like to be around her? How does she behave? What kind of words does she use to describe her day, her activities, her plans, her feelings about herself? How does she talk to you, if at all? How does she talk to her children? Does she engage them in conversation where she is genuinely interested and listening? Unless you REALLY know this mother, most likely you may not even notice how unhappy she is, or how life brings her nothing to dance about. The time you come to know her hurt – because living an unhappy and unfulfilled life is painful – she is “caught” showing it. “Caught” stories on the news are abundant: driving while intoxicated; abusing drugs; neglecting her kids; sneaking to a hotel with a lover who is not her husband; or, like me, sobbing uncontrollably on the floor of a locked bathroom.
Happiness and fulfillment are imperative. By definition, happiness is a state of well-being and contentment. It is also a pleasurable or satisfying experience.
The part of the definition of happiness that suggests permanence is most compelling to me. That part is “a state of well-being and contentment“. The other part of the definition, “a pleasurable or satisfying experience”, is temporary. A kid-free day at a spa where you can get a full-body massage, manicure, pedicure, and exfoliating facial scrub all for under $75 would be a pleasurable experience and make mom very, very happy. There is nothing wrong with this kind of happiness. After a day or so (okay, maybe a week), that happiness wears off. On the other hand, being in harmony with God’s divine direction, nurturing your health, and loving the woman you are, just as you are, creates a long-term state of well-being and contentment. In other words, happiness is a state of spiritual, physical and emotional wellness.
Fulfilled is “a feeling of satisfaction at having achieved your desires.” Here is the tricky part: the meaning of that word “desire”. Hmmm…What do mothers desire? To be good mothers, right? If you ask a mother what she desires, first or second on the list probably would be something related to her child(ren). This order is normal and expected. But, probe further and ask the woman inside the mother what SHE desires…FOR HERSELF. If she is honest and reflective, her answer will reveal so much more about who she really is. Motherhood is one aspect of desire. It is not who we are in our totality. When we align who we really are as women with what we do as mothers, new and wonderful desires to be achieved will begin to percolate!
I want to combine the compelling definition of HAPPINESS with the definition of FULFILLMENT and come up with my own neologism:
Hap-Fillment.
Hap-Fillment is a state of well-being and contentment at having achieved your desires.
Hap-Fillment is personal and individual. What makes me happy and fulfilled may be very different from what makes my best friend happy and fulfilled. The mother decides and then pursues her unique hap-fillment.
The wisdom motherhood offered me that day on my bathroom floor was simple and universal: it is because we are mothers that Hap-Fillment is imperative. Our children are watching and learning. Their lives are affected for good or for bad. Their self-worth and self-efficacy are shaped in large part by their mother’s state of well-being and contentment at having achieved her desires. This then, is what makes us Valuable, Powerful and Strong.
I hope today you pursue your Hap-Fillment.
Pam
Mommy's Turn Blog 
C. Hurley Said:
on May 24, 2010 at 9:09 PM
Pam, your continued encouragement to mothers is so very inspiring and needed. What you have gleaned in the last four years gives power to the wisdom that freely flows from you. I am challenged the more to not just pursue my Hap-Fillment but to understand its importance in my life. Thank you for reminding me of what makes me a mother who is valuable, powerful and strong. Love ya!